


I Know Who I Want To Take Me Home

by HelloHeadquarters



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 12:40:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24969880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloHeadquarters/pseuds/HelloHeadquarters
Summary: Elliotts striking out at the bar, for one very good reason.And he's sitting in a booth being all moody.
Relationships: Crypto | Park Tae Joon/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Comments: 9
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

Elliott knows that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but if he strikes out one more time tonight he's probably going to end up romancing his right hand come midnight. He can't understand what's happening; he doesn't have a completely flawless record by any means but his success rate was usually a little higher than zero. There's a cutie at the bar, all alone and biting on her straw in what Elliott thinks is a classic signal, but the moment he approaches she gets up and walks away and he gives his armpits a quick sniff test, just in case. 

"Wrong tree, Witt," comes a mutter from beside him as Elliott rests his elbows on the bar in defeat.

"No one asked you, _Cryppy_ ," Elliott growls in response. The hacker just raises an eyebrow and walks off back to Ajay, who's sitting in a booth with Pathfinder and teaching him to play tic-tac-toe on a napkin. 

Elliott's eyes linger on his retreating back and he feels a tension stirring in his chest. He has nothing but bad memories of the day 'Crypto' had entered the Games, and a whole bunch of conflicting emotions that it would take the worst kind of torture to get him to confess to. He definitely doesn't like him, he knows that much. He's cold and sharp edges, and he has absolutely no sense of humour. Elliott thinks he might have almost seen him smile once, but that could have been a trick of the light. It makes Elliott so mad that people actually seem to _like_ him. 

It's the _envy_ that's driving him mad, to be honest. Elliott's spent so long crafting a persona designed to be admired, and the fact that this fucker just waltzed in, cool and calm as anything without even trying, being everything Elliott has ever wished he could be, well, it doesn't sit right with him at all. It's so _effortless_ for Crypto, Hyeon, whatever, and it grates against Elliott's very soul because he works so hard to be smooth.

But he's not. He never has been. Elliott spends far too much time worrying about what everyone thinks about him, scared of being hated, but Hyeon just doesn't care. And Elliott, he _hates_ that, because he doesn't know how not to care. He's well aware that he needs to be adored, and it cuts him so deeply that people adore Hyeon without him even giving a shit. Fucker doesn't know how lucky he is.

He tries to shake it off. Disappears behind the bar and listens to the slew of patrons wanting this or that. He mixes cocktails with stupid names and deliberately doesn't look at Hyeon.

It's not a special occasion. They're all just hanging out, making use of the fact that legends drink free and Elliott lets himself be stuck serving them all because at least then they have to talk to him. Everyone's in high spirits and he loves that because the drunker they get the looser their lips become and the more free they become with their compliments. Elliott's a good looking guy, he knows that, but it means so much more when Makoa gives him an appreciative up and down or Renee smiles at him.

Hyeon is drinking, but Elliott doesn't know if he's drunk because he's just sitting there, quiet and not engaging, and Elliott's a bartender, the best reason not to get too tipsy, but he can't stand how much he wants Hyeon to notice him. He looks down at a vivid red shot he's just made for Ajay and knocks it back before making her another one.

It shouldn't matter. But the fact of the matter is that there's still the part of him that keeps looking where it shouldn't. Mirage is fifty percent for the ladies and fifty percent killing machine, and the part of him that sometimes longs for a firm, male body against his own is knee deep in years of oppression. He glances back at Hyeon once more. Yeah, he envies him.

He also wants him too.

It's stupid and a classic _Mirage_ stunt, going for the top prize, the thing he hasn't earned, doesn't deserve, but Hyeon has this effect on him, long legs and cold indifference. Elliott likes to be loved, but to be _wanted?_ Needed? That stokes a fire in his gut like nothing else. If he could just get the cold, sharp hacker to feel something for him besides hatred well, that's a win every day of the week. He could drive himself mad imagining Hyeon begging for what he has to offer and he shifts closer to the bar, trying to hide the fact that really, he already has.

Hyeon makes him hot. Makes him hard and base and needy. He's spent too many nights already lost in fantasies of Hyeon's mouth, his ass, his voice. Too much time choking out the hacker's name as he moans around his closed fist. Sometimes he wonders if Hyeon does the same but he knows he doesn't. Hyeon hates him, would never want him, and would laugh in his face if he knew how much time Elliott spends thinking about him and coming undone.

He grunts out a low sound and grits his teeth. Enough is enough, and there's a sweet thing with her hair all soft around her cute, pretty face who's been watching him all night. She must be a fan, and that's perfect, because the fans always try so hard to please him. Engaging the Mirage charm he swaggers over, and is rewarded almost instantly when her wry smile transforms into a wide toothy grin.

"Hey," he says gently. "Get you a drink? Anything you want, and I'll even make it myself."

She giggles, slipping her long, blonde hair behind one ear and Elliott beams, his eyes flicking momentarily to the booth in the corner but Hyeon isn't even watching him. He doesn't care.

Elliott closes his eyes.

"Seriously, what's your poison sweetheart?"

She scrunches her nose up and it's really too cute and then she dips her head coyly and bites her lip and Elliott's seen all these moves a hundred times. Hell, he's made them himself enough times so he just leans casually against her table and waits for her to answer.

"Bet you can make something I'd love without me asking anyway," she purrs, and Elliott's not only got his foot in the door but his whole body by this point.

"Bet I can," he replies smoothly, offering out a hand which she takes as he leads her behind the bar.

"Now, you're not supposed to be back here but you're so pretty I'm only gonna get distracted if you don't supervise me."

The effect of the compliment is instantaneous. She looks like she might even die.

"Oh my god," she gushes, covering her mouth with her hand and she stands beside him.

He starts to mix her something fruity and sweet and barely even alcoholic; he's not that kind of ass, but he's still some kind because he knows right now this superfan is imagining a world where _she's_ the one to finally tame him, to make him settle down and fall in love but that's not on the cards because she's pretty and she seems nice enough but he's man enough to admit he's already in love with someone else.

Shit. No he's not. He's not in love. That's stupid, even for him.

But oh _fuck_ , he really is. He spends every waking moment pining after the infuriating nerd and he hates it and he hates himself because there could be a hundred million worlds and the bastard would never feel the same in any of them. He looks over to the girl as he hands her a vibrant pink cocktail.

"What's your name?"

"Louise." She answers sweetly, but her expression falters just a little. She's still smiling, but it's lost some of its playfulness. 

He sighs. "Well Louise, I'm gonna be straight with you. You seem nice and all but..."

She smirks, and he wasn't expecting that.

"You like Crypto," she says simply. 

He's caught out. How the fuck could she possibly know?

He grabs her by the wrist and drags her into the storeroom, but her eyes are alight with laughter and he really likes that about her.

"What?" he asks, folding his arms as she rests herself against the counter, checking the door has closed behind them.

Louise shakes out her long hair before taking another sip of her drink. Elliott's watching her shrewdly because if she knows then surely he's got a neon sign strapped to his back announcing how much of a lost cause he is to the whole world. 

Louise let's out a long, exaggerated sigh. "Guess it's a little disappointing to know I won't be crossing 'Get fucked by Mirage' off my bucket list tonight," she says with a tilt of her head. 

Elliott's almost dainty with how shocked he is at the way she's suddenly speaking to him, but then he realises that the Louise who smiled and giggled at him was also trying to get into his pants and there he was thinking he still had game.

He shrugs. "Sorry," he says.

Louise doesn't even change her expression. "No problem. You see all the cute guys out there? I'll make do." 

There's a small moment between them where Louise keeps sipping slowly on her cocktail while Elliott takes a spoon from the shelves and behind to idly play with it. Then he stops suddenly and looks at her from beneath his lashes.

"What gave me away?" he asks, resignation in his voice. 

She stands up a little straighter, and there's a soft sadness at the edge of her smile now. "So it's true," she mutters to herself. "Because in all honesty I was only like sixty percent sure."

Elliott frowns at her. 

"Alright, seventy," she concedes, draining the last of her drink and pulling a face as she sets the glass down. "May be next time put some booze in it?" she suggests.

"Noted. In my defence, I was sort of hoping to sleep with you," he replies, almost blushing.

"No you weren't," Louise counters slyly.

"Was too!" he protests, and she keeps it together for almost a whole second before a snort of laughter escapes her. 

"A bit," Elliott continues. "My own personal tragedy aside, you're clearly awesome _and_ you have great taste. What more could a guy possibly want?"

Her shoulders jerk with a suppressed laugh. "A constantly cranky nerd, maybe?" she suggests with a quirk of her eyebrow.

Elliott takes two quick steps towards her. "Right? I mean, come on!" He slots himself next to her, leaning against the same counter. "Doesn't make any sense."

"These things never do," Louise replies sagely. 

"Very wise. You read that off a cereal packet?" he quips. 

"Fortune cookie."

Elliott lets out a low, genuine laugh. "And she's funny too," he says warmly. 

She nods. "I know. I'm the whole package. Clearly there is something wrong with you."

"No one's denying that," Elliott replies with a soft sigh. "So come on," he says, rolling his shoulders. "How _did_ you know?"

She wrinkles her nose at him. "Kinda been scoping you out all night. Seen you strike out all night too which is, don't get me wrong, _hilarious_ , but not really something I'd expect from Mirage himself, you know? Figured you must he sabotaging yourself for some reason and then I noticed you kept looking at him every time you went to try your luck again."

Elliott raises his eyebrows, impressed. "Wow, you're like a stalker-slash-spy," he says.

"Its really more that I have eyes in my head," she deadpans. 

Elliott looks at his shoes before he speaks again. "He ever look over?" he asks pathetically.

Louise makes a little 'aww' noise, and sounds genuinely sorry when she gently shakes her head and says "No."

Elliott shrugs. "It's alright, not like I expected him to. He hates me for some reason."

She softly taps him on the arm. "No he doesn't," she assures him. "I mean, maybe he doesn't have it as bad as you, or the might not even have it at all, but he doesn't _hate_ you."

"How do you know?" 

"Well, he's here, isn't he? In your bar, surrounded by holo-yous, and let's be honest, he doesn't seem like the party animal type to me. Especially not to go to a place filled with images of some guy he hates. So why then _is_ he here?"

"Next level brooding opportunity?" Elliott suggests. "With the added bonus that he gets to complain about me."

Louise shakes her head. "Nope, I ain't buying it." 

"He doesn't, you know, _like_ me though, I know that much." Elliott feels stupid, but he's reached the point where this crush has stopped being a stupid, indulgent fantasy and now it's just starting to hurt. 

"He doesn't hate you either, though, and that's a start." She pushes herself away from the edge of the counter. "I meant what I said, by the way. About the drink?" she explains when Elliott looks at her quizically.

Elliott grins at her. "Fair enough. It's on me all night, least I can do," he says, opening the door for her. "And it's also partially to buy your silence but hey, all good."

Louise laughs happily at him. "Deal."

As they step back into the main bar, they see Hyeon standing just a little way down, idly playing with a napkin, but he looks up when Elliott and Louise walk out of the storeroom. Louise flashes a look at Elliott and then grins wickedly before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Oh come on," he protests as Hyeon's eyes widen and his mouth pulls into a tight frown.

Louise giggles. "Is that jealousy, you think?" she mutters under her breath, jerking her chin towards the hacker.

Elliott takes a small breath and then all but pushes her past Hyeon and back out through the hatch in the bar, while she's still laughing all the while. She turns and leans against the bar, inches from Hyeon while Elliott makes her drink.

Elliott's too embarrassed to turn around but he can hear Louise making fun of him in a friendly sort of way and when he finally hands her a glass of something much stronger than last time, she takes it with a wink and a wave of her fingers before sashaying back into the throng.

Elliott watches her until he loses her and its only then that he remembers that Hyeon's glass is empty.

"Refill?" he asks, his voice only cracking slightly as he tries to affect an air of casual indifference. Hyeon looks like he's still trying to process something and the sight makes Elliott's breath hitch and his stomach drop.

"Sure," he replies, but his voice is distant as he hands over the glass. Then Hyeon swallows and gathers himself together. "You seem to be having better luck," he says, jerking his thumb over his shoulder.

Elliott laughs a little too loudly spills some of the drink as he's trying to mix it for Hyeon. "Louise? Nah man, she's just a friend. She thinks she funny. I do too."

Over the crowd Elliott spots Louise's hand giving him a thumbs up. 

"Oh. You're not-- I mean, you didn't--," but it seems that this is the end of Hyeon's repertoire on the matter and he just raises his glass at the door to the storeroom.

Elliott gives a him a look, while beneath the surface his whole being has spun into a panic, as he dares and hopes and dreams that maybe, just maybe, Hyeon might give a shit. 

"In the storeroom? I got a little more class than that, dude. Plus, you know, it's probably a violation of the health code." He's almost killed instantly when Hyeon rewards him with a smile, the rarest sight in all the Outlands and something he will cherish forever.

"It definitely is, Witt," Hyeon replies, but he takes a gulp of his drink with the smile still in place. 

The night wears on and Elliott doesn't leave the bar again but neither does Hyeon move from the spot where he's been propping it up. It's a little too noisy and crowded for them to have a proper conversation, but now and again there's a quiet five minutes where they actually just talk, and if feels to Elliott a lot like being friends.

At one point he watched Louise leave through the side door, the arm of a faceless someone around her waist and he gave her a small nod of recognition. He hopes she'll come back, because she will always be welcome at the Paradise Lounge.

He leaves the actual closing of the bar to the rest of his staff and heads out. The cool, evening air is a welcome sensation against his overheated skin. He doesn't really ever need to set foot behind the bar, but he can't deny he loves it, even if he does get carried away sometimes. It's not a long walk home so he shoves his hands in his pockets and gets moving.

He rounds the first corner when he spots a figure huddled up against the chill, stamping their feet and normally he'd just walk straight past but he'd recognise the silhouette of that coat anywhere. 

"Hyeon?"

"Elliott?"

Elliott scurries over to the shadows and Hyeon's face comes into view as he moves closer. "Why you standing out here freezing your balls off for?"

Hyeon huffs and draws his coat tighter around his body. "I was waiting for a cab, but I think I might be out of luck." Hyeon's face is a frustrated grimace, and Elliott doesn't even have to think before he's talking. 

"Come stay at mine. It's like five minutes away."

Hyeon shakes his head. "I couldn't," he says.

"Of course you fucking can, you'll freeze to death out here. Come on, stop being stubborn. If it makes you feel better I won't even use tongues and I promise to make you breakfast in the morning." He winks at Hyeon, but he's not sure he can see it in the dark. 

"Very funny Witt," Hyeon mutters, but he falls in step beside Elliott after only a moment's hesitation. 

They're silent, and then Hyeon clears his throat as they walk through the darkened streets. 

"Suppose you didn't think you'd be taking me home tonight," he says, but his tone is soft and nervous and Elliott thinks he's trying to actually flirt a little. He tells the meltdown forming in his brain to calm down and let him focus before he formulates a response. 

"You not see me striking out hard tonight? Truth be told, I was running out of options." He nudges Hyeon's arm with his own and Hyeon let's out a short breath.

"You really know how to make a guy feel special," Hyeon replies, nudging Elliott back and now he _knows_ he's not imagining anything. Hyeon is flirting back and Elliott thinks that maybe he's fallen asleep. 

They reach Elliott's apartment not long after and Elliott tells him to sit on the couch while he makes them tea. It's too late for coffee and far to late to keep drinking so tea it is. He picks the ugliest mug he has, some bright orange thing with a poorly painted creature of unknown species on the side, and drops in a tea bag. It's some herbal shit his mom insisted was soothing but he's always thought it tasted like dirt, and maybe Hyeon would like it because if there's one thing the hacker could do it's unwind a little.

His own mug is plain grey but inside its the same stuff because he really only drinks coffee or hard liquor when he's given the choice. He hands Hyeon the monstrosity and grins when Hyeon looks between his mug and Elliott's own before muttering a quiet thank you. 

Elliott sits across from him. He's tired and nervous and the idea of anything actually happening between the two of them now seems terrifying. He's not even close to drunk and he doesn't think Hyeon is either but if something happens tonight it would feel wrong somehow. 

He watches as Hyeon pulls a face he then quickly tries to hide at the taste of the tea and then Elliott suddenly gets it. 

He doesn't want to sleep with Hyeon. 

At least, not for a while, because Elliott wants the whole deal. He wants bad dates and awkward conversations that turn into nights in front of the television and comfortable silences. He wants to wake up to his kiss and fall asleep to his touch, and he wants to be his completely and utterly and that's a lot of pressure to put on some poor guy who's sat on his couch pretending to enjoy his shit-awful tea. 

"What?" Hyeon asks and Elliott realises he's staring. 

"Uh, nothing," he stutters out. He gets to his feet and all but snatches the ugly mug from Hyeon's hand. "Don't drink that. It tastes like crap and as a bartender I can't be expecting anyone to drink something I made unless it's perfect.'

Hyeon looks relieved. "It's not that bad," he tries.

"Liar," Elliott replies with a snort. "There's water in the fridge. I'll get you some blankets too, the couch is pretty roomy. Sorry I don't have a spare bed going."

Hyeon shakes his head. "The couch is fine. Thank you for letting me stay here, Elliott."

Elliott smiles. "No problem, buddy."

He performs the promised tasks and makes sure Hyeon is all settled in, well aware of where the bathroom is and wearing an old t-shirt and sweats of Elliott's that swamp him slightly. Hyeon seems to be getting uncomfortable with the attention now and Elliott can tell, so he stops talking and tries to find a way to say goodnight that doesn't sound overly affectionate.

Hyeon gives him a frowning kind of smile. "Really though, I'm sorry it was me you got stuck with tonight. I know that wasn't quite your plan."

Elliott laughs and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck with his hand. "Some nights it just not meant to be, you know? There'll be other times."

Hyeon smiles, but there's a slight stiffness about it. "Not really my..." He waves his hand. "You know, style."

Elliott smiles. "Not a one night stand kinda guy?"

Hyeon shakes his head. "No, not really."

Elliott pulls his shoulders back to work some of the tiredness out of them. "You know, I didn't think you would be somehow."

Hyeon shifts a little. "Why not?" 

Elliott feels a little uncomfortable. The truth is he feels like Hyeon is just too uptight to waste time getting his rocks off with random strangers now and again, and then there's the fact that for Elliott the term 'one night stand' rhymes with ' coping mechanism' and he doesn't want to have that conversation _ever_ , let alone with Hyeon in his living room at nearly four in the morning.

"Just... like you said," he says with a shrug. "Doesn't seem like your style."

Hyeon tilts his head at Elliott. "Then what does?" he asks, curious. 

Elliott groans. "Man, I don't know. You're so closed off, you could be in a long term relationship with a sock puppet and we'd all be none the wiser." 

Hyeon smiles slowly, sending electrical jolts all the way through Elliott and he sighs inwardly at how bad he has it.

"Fuzzles and I are very happy together," Hyeon deadpans, and an ugly snort of laughter bursts from Elliott before he can stop it.

"Holy shit," he gasps out. "Was that a joke?"

Hyeon joins in. "Well, it wasn't the truth," he assures Elliott. Elliott's still wiping his eyes and falling a little bit more in love and suddenly he just doesn't care, because of all the people in the universe who could finally have gotten him to feel something deeper than a puddle, he's so glad it's this man.

He leans forward a little, hoping he can convey even just an ounce of the longing he feels to see if anything in Hyeon responds to it. He's not usually so reserved when it comes to these sorts of things, but he really doesn't want to get this wrong. 

"Truth is," Hyeon continues with a sad little smile and a sigh. "It's been a long time since anything like that happened to me. Other things keep getting in the way." He's leaning forward a little too, almost as if he doesn't realise it and Elliott thinks that for sake of six inches of space, he could be kissing him right now.

"What things?" Elliott asks softly. 

Hyeon shrugs and pulls back a little, and Elliott thinks that maybe he wasn't supposed to ask. 

"Just things," Hyeon replies.

Elliott can feel the moment slipping away and he's desperate to claw it back so he gets up and sits next to Hyeon decisively.

"It'll happen," he says, because despite all of his own mixed up, twisted feelings Hyeon seems _sad_ and that wouldn't be ok for Elliott even if he barely knew the guy. "Probably when you least suspect."

Hyeon looks at him, so close, and if this were some cheesy romcom the muddled clouds would part and they'd both lean in and kiss. But it's not, it's their lives, complete with all the baggage that entails and Hyeon just sighs.

"I wouldn't mind," he says. "I miss, well, you know. Being with someone."

Elliott swallows. "Me too."

The air is definitely charged now but Elliott can't bring himself to make the move. He's not even sure why. Instead he claps his knees on his thighs and announces that he's going to bed. He hates staying up until sunrise, but that doesn't matter because all he can do once he's under his covers is stare at the ceiling and hate himself for being such a coward.

-

In the morning he keeps his promise and makes Hyeon breakfast, before seeing him off with his words gratitude still ringing in his ears. Maybe he didn't get exactly what he wanted but something between them is different now and it shows in the coming weeks. Hyeon starts to seek him out in their down time, and they work on their tech side by side and talk about nonsense and they're actual, proper friends and the whole time Elliott starts to obsess about how he can let Hyeon know how he feels but he's too scared to ruin what they've built.

Then fate or destiny or some such bullshit reminds him that they're both messes when they go out, get a little drunk and end up frantically, messily kissing and groping in the storeroom. Hyeon's almost scary with need but Elliott's just as mad with his own desire as they thoroughly violate the health code while a heavy bass thrums in the background. Afterwards Elliott's nervous, expecting excuses and apologies but instead he gets a long, slow, languid kiss and words from Hyeon that almost make him ready for round two if he'd been ten years younger.

"You don't know how long I've been wanting to do that, Elliott."

He'd be quite content to just lay tangled with Hyeon until the world turns to ash but now it's over the floor is too hard beneath them and they need to find their clothes. They get dressed while exchanging sheepish smiles and blushing, then emerge together ripe with embarrassment that somehow everyone in the place must know what they've just done.

Hyeon almost runs away in his haste not to be seen with Elliott but he doesn't take it personally and in fact he actually agrees. He doesn't want the whole world to know, not yet. He likes that they're a secret, and he's not afraid that it was a one time thing because Hyeon smiles softly at him and takes up a spot at the bar.

Elliott turns away because _someone_ is shouting for his attention and he's about to tell them to fuck off when he sees who it is.

"Louise!" he says happily, but she says nothing, just raises her eyebrows at him knowingly.

"Shut up," he tells her, beaming.

-

In the morning they're both hungover but they're also both tangled together in Elliott's bed and Hyeon seems calm and at peace as he wills his headache away, burying himself into Elliott to block out the intrusive sunlight.

"Morning," Elliott mutters, pressing a kiss to Hyeon's messed up hair and he feels the arm over his chest tighten. 

"Morning," comes the muffled reply.

Elliott smiles at the ceiling. There'll be more nights with Hyeon, he tells himself. There'll be days and dates and hand holding and kissing and sex and _love_ he just knows it, and he's happy.

He feels Hyeon press an almost nervous kiss to his shoulder, and he's glad, because Hyeon is happy too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to LCupExpresso for the idea. Here you go, Crypto's POV.
> 
> And thank you so so much for all the kind words and comments, they mean a lot. :)

He wonders now, quite often, what it would be like to kiss Elliott. To feel those rough, callused hands framing his face as Elliott leans in, slow and meaningful. How it would be to feel the flutter of Elliott's breath against his lips and in this fantasy, this thing he has constructed from nothing more than his own personal desire, he's still hesitant. He still waits, needing Elliott to take him, to claim him, to make this moment of weakness alright. 

Then Elliott leans in, breaks apart the spaces they've made between them and kisses him because there is nothing else but this moment, this need, and he doesn't wait anymore as he presses back, tasting and taking and having something he has longed for for so long, at last.

His hand trails slowly downwards as he closes his eyes and lets himself be taken in by his own imagination, as Elliott's phantom hands slip from his face to his neck and Elliott's breathing soft words of adoration against the synthetic shell of his ear, loving him now for all that was instead of who he used to be, making Hyeon Kim a real person instead of a lie.

And that's where it all falls apart. He wants Elliott to fall in love with him, but Elliott has never even met him, not really. Elliott has met the man he has constructed, the man he pieced together from secrets and half truths and where once Tae Joon Park had things he liked, things he _wanted_ , Hyeon Kim just doesn't have that luxury any more. No more room for love and friendship and sex because all he has now is the shadows and his own rotten revenge. 

His hand slams to his side on the mattress and he growls at the ceiling, just as someone hammers on his door.

"What?" he spits out, far more aggressively than he meant to and he screws his eyes up in frustration and hefts himself to his feet. 

"Its me, friend!" comes the reply and Tae Joon is glad of that because Pathfinder would be the least likely of all of them to take offence. Wondering what the hell the robot could want with him, Tae Joon stomps heavily to his door like a petulant child and opens it just a crack. 

"What?" he repeats, and it's still kind of rude but at least his tone is a little softer this time. 

"Ajay sent me to see if you would be joining us tonight," Pathfinder says in his usual cheery tone and Tae Joon groans as he remembers the planned trip to Elliott's damned bar. Most of them were going, or so he'd heard around the place, any excuse to get wasted on Elliott's dime it seems. He shakes his head but then stops himself.

Maybe he and Elliott were always just going to be frosty towards each other, Mirage and Crypto and their amusing banter in the ring that neither man really quite means, or at least, that's what Tae Joon tells himself. That didn't mean, however, that he needed to spend yet another night holed up in his room, _festering_ , filling his head with incomplete fantasies that he cuts off right before the good bits because he's just too much of a realist. So he puts on his smartest boots and makes his way out to the spectacle that is the Paradise Lounge with the others. 

The minute he steps inside the place he's hit with a wave of regret so fierce it forces him into a small booth in the corner and a glare takes up residency on his face. Elliott is _everywhere_ , grinning and winking and so, so pretty and all Tae Joon can do is look down at his hands because the man himself is sitting at the bar, actually on it, surrounded by sycophants who can't wait to get near to the biggest ego in all the Outlands. Tae Joon already knows he's not going to be able to handle it, a night of watching Elliott lap up adoration from everyone who isn't _him_ , so he takes a deep breath and almost drops to his knees in front of Ajay when she asks him what he wants to drink.

Ajay walks over to Elliott, who disengages himself at once and Tae Joon has perfected the art of not looking but looking all at the same time so he sees the small glance Elliott throws his way before turning his attention to Pathfinder instead.

"This is fun," Pathfinder announces, because everything's fun when the most you have to worry about is a rusted elbow joint or a tangled zipline. 

"Yeah," Tae Joon agrees in such a way that means he really doesn't, but Pathfinder doesn't notice and starts to tap his metallic fingers against the table top. Tae Joon let's the rhythm sink his mind into a sort of stupor as he goes around the same things again and again in his head, his anger and his fear and his general shittiness at wanting Elliott in ways that Elliott could never be to him.

Ajay returns and passes a glass of something that burns when he sips it to Tae Joon, and it's warm and makes his heart slow down just a little. He should definitely not have come here, because the temptation of getting a little drunk to feel a little better is seeming pretty good to him right now. 

"Ya alright, hun?" Ajay asks, her head tilted in concern and he feels guilty because he doesn't want to ruin her night too with his moping.

"I'm fine," he says, conjuring a weak smile from somewhere as he spots Elliott make his way towards a red head with a stupid grin on his stupid face. "Honestly. Just a little... tired."

Ajay may or may not believe him but Pathfinder takes that moment to ask her what a Flatline is when it's not a gun and she explains that it's a shot with hot sauce in it. She's pulling a face the whole time she's talking, and by the time she's done she says she'll probably get Elliott to make her one little later.

The night wears on and Tae Joon is careful to pace himself as he sips his drink, because sooner or later he's going to have to get up and go to the bar and even if Elliott doesn't serve him he's still going to be close enough to hear Elliott saying disgusting, sugary things and he doesn't need the jolt of ugly jealousy he's bound to feel because Elliott's not saying them to _him_. 

Ajay seems quite happy to keep to herself tonight as well, and she looks to be actually enjoying herself as she educates Pathfinder on various human things. Tae Joon drains the last dregs of his drink just as Ajay is starting to explain doodle games to the robot, of all things, and now that his glass is empty Tae Joon feels unhappy enough about it to risk being within earshot of Elliott to fix it. 

As he gets closer he watches as a petite brunette woman slips herself from her stool and shrinks away like a ninja as Elliott approaches her. Tae Joon can't help but smirk as he watches Elliott surreptitiously try to take a sniff of himself and he moves without really knowing what he's doing. 

"Wrong tree, Witt," he mutters before he can stop himself, watching as Elliott props his elbows on the bar and the ridiculous thought of telling Elliott that maybe the right tree is Hyeon shaped floats through his mind and is promptly ignored. 

"No one asked you, _Cryppy_ ," Elliott growls in response and even though what Tae Joon wants to do is slam his own head on the beer soaked bar what he _actually_ does is raise his eyebrow and wander off back to Ajay and Path before he says something else to regret. 

He didn't even get himself another drink, he realises, but he's not getting back up now, not for anything, so instead he buries his shoulders deeper into the plush cushion of the booth and glares at his hands. He should be happy that Elliott's striking out, in a petty, jealous way but all he's really thinking is that Elliott is nothing if not persistent not to mention _so damn hot_ that sooner or later some lucky bastard is going to realise just how fortunate they are to be on the receiving end of his affections. Elliott's gonna take some random girl home and Tae Joon is going to watch it and hate it but he's still going to watch anyway. 

When he glances up again, Elliott's looking at Ajay with a guilty look in his eye and for a moment Tae Joon panics but then he watches Elliott knock back the Flatline shot Ajay had just ordered with a wince. He smiles, but it disappears almost instantly when Elliott's latest target actually smiles and laughs and seems into him and Tae Joon sighs. 

"You sure you're ok?" 

He looks up at Ajay, but he can't even smile this time. "Yes," he mutters. 

He gets up just to get out from under Ajay's accusatory glare just in time to see Elliott disappear into the storeroom with the pretty blonde. He audibly groans but now he's hating his empty glass more than anything so he leans against the bar and loses himself as he fiddles with a napkin.

Elliott's out of the room with her a lot sooner than he expected and Tae Joon can't stop looking at them, especially when she wipes her mouth suggestively. Elliott looks scandalized but Tae Joon's still staring, feeling as though all of the air has disappeared from his lungs. He can't stop his mouth twisting into an ugly frown and he feels ridiculous. Elliott is free to do whatever he likes _with_ whoever he wants, and Tae Joon might be living in a fantasy world but even he knows that Elliott can't be held responsible for something he knows nothing about.

The pretty girl swings around the bar at Elliott's good natured insistence, poking fun at the trickster while Tae Joon tries not to visibly recoil too much. Elliott hands her another drink and she leaves the bar with a giggle and a wave and Tae Joon hates himself for not leaving too but there's some part of him that just needs to matter in Elliott's eyes, just for a moment. 

"Refill?" Elliott asks, dragging him from his thoughts. Elliott's voice sounds weird and Tae Joon wonders if this is some post-coital thing and his mind slips as he imagines what it might be like to find out one day. 

"Sure," he manages to say, but then reality comes rushing back and he remembers that he's got more important things to do than worry about a stupid crush. "You seem to be having better luck," he says anyway, because a lot of Tae Joon's misery is self-imposed so fuck it. 

Elliott's all business as he replies, mixing Tae Joon's drink but he seems to have a little extra bounce about him so Tae Joon's gotta guess that it's happy hour behind the bar at least. 

"Louise? Nah. She's just a friend. She thinks she's funny. I do too."

Tae Joon almost laughs in relief, but he wants to make sure he's not got the wrong end of the stick and he also hopes he has at least a little more decency about him than cheering Elliott's misfortune. 

"Oh. You're not-- I mean, you didn't--" he says, but he can't quite bring himself to say it so he just gestures at the door to the storeroom with the glass Elliott just gave him. 

Elliott looks at him like Tae Joon is some kind of stupid but there's a warm softness behind it as he smirks at him. 

"In the storeroom? I got a little more class than that, dude. Plus, you know, it's probably a violation of the health code."

Tae Joon can't help the smile that blooms on his face. Elliott's words are friendly, and warm, and they're for him and it's nice and now he's on his second drink Tae Joon thinks maybe, at least, he and Elliott can be friends. 

"It definitely is, Witt."

He expects Elliott to keep trying but instead the trickster just mans his spot behind the bar, serving customers but in between he throws a few comments to Tae Joon now and again when he has a moment, and Tae Joon stays right where he is and lets himself hope. 

After a while though, Tae Joon realises he has stopped drinking in favour of Elliott watching but and night's getting on, and he hopes he hasn't lingered too long to have missed all the cabs. He waves to Elliott half-heartedly as Elliott's valiantly trying to juggle three customers at once, and makes his way out into the night. 

At first the cold air is a relief but he's soon shivering, hands stuffed in his pockets as he waits on the deserted rank, stamping his feet and he slowly starts to freeze to death.

"Hyeon?"

He glances out into the darkness. 

"Elliott?"

Elliott moves closer. "What you standing out here freezing your balls off for?"

Tae Joon shrugs, pulling his coat tight. Truth be told he's a little embarrassed to be caught lurking in the shadows. "I was waiting for a cab, but I think I might be out of luck." 

"Come stay at mine. It's like five minutes away."

Tae Joon blinks into the night, and he can't seem to find his words for a moment. And then he remembers Elliott's voice calling out his fake name into the freezing cold air and he shakes his head. 

"I couldn't," he mutters. 

"Of course you fucking can, you'll freeze to death out here. Come on, stop being stubborn." 

Tae Joon frowns at him. 

Elliott jerks his shoulders. "If it makes you feel better, I won't use tongues and I'll even make you breakfast in the morning."

Tae Joon has about eighteen filthy thoughts in a row, starting with the use of tongues and ending with some unconventional uses of breakfast foods. It's around this point that he remembers he's probably supposed to say something, but he's so cold and out of choices so he falls in step beside Elliott while his brain screams and screams and screams.

"Very funny, Witt," he mutters, and it's actually kind of nice, he thinks. He feels warmer and safe and he's happy to be in Elliott's company without feeling like he has to antagonize him all the time.

He suddenly wants this so much it actually hurts, he wants to ignore every logical reason he has not to get close to Elliott, because he doesn't just want him, he _needs_ him, if only because not having him is making Tae Joon feel pretty shitty now. But Elliott's not ever going to feel the same, he knows that well enough after watching Elliott try his luck on half a dozen girls that night, but he's not above tormenting himself with hoping they can be friends. 

"Suppose you didn't think you'd be taking me home tonight," he says, trying to keep the friendly banter going but there's a flirty edge to it that even he's not too naive to miss and shit, because he _really_ didn't mean to.

Elliott huffs out a laugh. "You not see me striking out hard tonight? Truth be told, I was running out of options." Elliott's arm brushes against his own and there's a electric jolt in his chest because even though he can never, _ever_ forget what his life is, he also can't stop being human and everything that entails, and no one's heart ever stopped doing what it was going to do just because the timing was off. 

Tae Joon knows he's a fucking idiot. He just can't seem to care.

"You really know how to make a guy feel special," he counters with a nudge of his own. 

Elliott's place is nice and surprisingly understated and Elliott makes him tea which tastes like the morning after a really bad night as well as a bed on the couch. Tae Joon changes into some spare clothes that Elliott lends him and he's feeling a little edgy. Elliott's eyes and attention have been on him all night and after far too many stolen glances he's feeling a little exposed. He sips the water because seriously, the tea was so bad Tae Joon reckons he's probably not seen the last of it, and he gets the feeling that Elliott's trying to excuse himself too. 

He's not quite ready to let the night end, though.

"Really though, I'm sorry it was me you got stuck with tonight. I know that wasn't quite your plan."

Elliott laughs and looks awkward and adorable and Tae Joon is possessed by the sudden need to leap up and straddle Elliott's lap. He shakes his head a little as Elliott answers him while his brain continues to swing between extremes like a metronome. 

"Some nights it's just not mean to be, you know? There'll be other times."

Tae Joon's lips quirk in a tiny smile as he wonders what it would be like to be one of the 'other times'. To get so close but know that all it was was all it would ever be. 

Oh god, he would hate that. Hate to have Elliott slip away early in the morning after to make pancakes, and then see him out of the door with his underwear bunched in the pocket of his coat while Elliott goes to change his sheets. He feels a little sick, and all early thoughts of straddling and kissing and all that shit are banished because if it was his choice he'd never want to be just a one off to Elliott. He'd rather never have him at all.

"Not really my, you know -- style," he says tiredly, meaning it so much. 

"Not a one night stand kinda guy?" Elliott asks and Tae Joon thinks he has no idea.

"No, not really."

"You know, I didn't think you would be somehow."

Tae Joon tilts his head and wonders what kind of vibes he's been giving off this whole time, but he'd have too be so unaware to realise that neither Crypto nor Hyeon Kim act like they're in the market for romance, not by a long shot. Elliott doesn't think of him like that because that's not who he's supposed to be, not anymore. Tae Joon Park was a nerdy guy who scored a date about once a season and had takeout in his refrigerator older than any of his relationships, but at least he'd been _available_. He was supposed to have left all that behind when this all started, and now he's wondering if he really has. 

"Why not?" he asks, and wonders what Elliott's answer will be, if he even looks at Tae Joon and sees the romantic potential there, even if it's not with him. 

Fuck it, he wants to know if he's even still _loveable_ anymore. 

"Just... like you said," Elliott shrugs. "Doesn't seem like your style."

"Then what does?" he pushes. 

Elliott groans at him, but his eyes are soft, his smile warm. 

"Man, I don't know. You're so closed off, you could be in a long term relationship with a sock puppet and we'd all be none the wiser." 

Tae Joon breathes out and smiles because it's all just so stupid. Falling in love is ridiculous but what he has right now with Elliott, here, in this room, it's enough. 

It's everything. 

"Fuzzles and I are very happy together," he says, and Elliott's laughter is the sweetest thing he's heard in a long time. He thinks he could fall asleep to the sound every night and the fact that he's the cause of it means so damn much. 

"Holy shit, was that a joke?"

"Well, it wasn't the truth," Tae Joon assures him. He sees the way Elliott's come alive, the way he's gotten closer, and he suddenly gets the feeling like his being here isn't just a favour to Elliott, he actually wants him around, _wants_ him near and he needs more than just... just an emergency sleepover. 

"Truth is," he begins with a shrug, "it's been a long time since anything like that happened to me." That's true at least, and in all honesty, it's not something that has ever happened to Hyeon Kim. Hyeon Kim has a job to do, and it doesn't involve fawning over handsome charmers. "Other things keep getting in the way." He's talking to himself a little now, getting lost in his own head again. 

"What things?" and oh shit, stupid Tae Joon, he thinks, way to let your heart get you in trouble. Elliott's actually so close now he feels surrounded by him, the shadows on his cheeks from his long eyelashes, the scent of his aftershave still lingering under soap. He pulls back, because he knows he should.

"Just things," he mutters.

Elliott looks a little put out but that's ok, it's alright, it's time to go to sleep and go their separate ways and forget this stupid fantasy. 

Elliott's got other ideas though because he gets up and sits next to Tae Joon and he doesn't pull away and actually leans a little closer but it's so minute there's no way it even registered with Elliott. "It'll happen," Elliott tells him. "Probably when you least suspect."

Tae Joon's certain that the desire he's got inside him must be pulsing off him in waves. He could do something. He could do it right now, take a chance, take something back.

"I wouldn't mind," he says softly, willing Elliott to hear what he's really saying. "I miss, well, you know." Tae Joon swallows thickly. "Being with someone."

Oh god, Elliott's right _there_ , he's so close, he's going to kiss him, he is. He will.

Elliott worries at his lower lip with his teeth, leaning in. "Me too."

Tae Joon's eyes start to drift closed but then there's a sudden coolness around him and then he realises that Elliott's pulled back and he feels like shouting. Elliott says his goodnights and Tae Joon lays back on the couch, staring at the ceiling and hating himself for being such a coward. 

-

Elliott makes pancakes in the morning. Fucking pancakes. But he also makes jokes and makes sure Tae Joon's all set before he sees him on his way and Tae Joon almost regrets not sleeping with him if this is what's going to happen now.

And then he decided not to let it. 

He makes it his mission to seek Elliott out, to be his friend and it's the easiest thing he's ever done because soon they're practically in each other's pockets. He doesn't stop feeling how he's been feeling for a while and it actually gets a little more intense but he can't say anything and break up the first friendship he's had in so long. 

Then one night, he and Elliott go to the bar.

He's still not a big drinker but Elliott give a him this weird purple shot and he drinks it and then switches to water because it rockets straight to his head and makes him feel a little dizzy. Elliott hops behind the bar and Tae Joon's got just enough Dutch courage about him now to think fuck it, and he settles himself back in his booth for a leisurely ogle.

Elliott looks over at him several times and every time he does, he smiles.

Tae Joon can feel himself growing hotter and more uncomfortable and it's made worse when a woman in a tight red dress starts making the moves on the famous bartender.

He's up and out of his seat before he knows what he's doing but once he gets to the bar all he does is ask for a drink and the woman is all but forgotten. Tae Joon can't help but grin as every bit of Elliott's attention is for him and the whole bar goes away and they're smiling at each other.

Tae Joon's invited behind the bar to make a drink and he fucks it up well enough to make a mess so Elliott takes him out back to get him cleaned up with his left hand already slipping beneath Tae Joon's shirt and resting on the small of his back. 

And then they're in the storeroom, panting and sweating and breathing out each other's names and it's not quite perfect but it's still pretty fucking good.

Afterwards he scuttles away because he's still got enough of his wits about him to know that what he and Elliott had just done wasn't exactly decent. But he sits and the bar and smiles and he's so content and he strikes up a conversation with someone who looks familiar, Louise, maybe, and generally has a good time. 

He staggers back to Elliott's place, the two men arm in arm and laughing and joking and there's no couch for Tae Joon, not tonight, and there's also no more sex because there's been far too much booze, and they fall asleep in a pile beneath Elliott's pretty gaudy silk sheets. 

-

In the morning he feels like shit but he's still happy because Elliott's right there next to him and he buries his face into Elliott's side to hide from the sun. 

He knows that one day, if he ever can make this work with Elliott, to be something real, he's going to have to tell him the truth. All of it. He's not even close to there yet, but every moment he spends with Elliott like this, tangled together, it feels like a lie and he's got no intention of letting it go on for too long.

He'll tell him when the time is right, and as he presses a soft kiss to Elliott's shoulder he hopes Elliott will still want him when he does.


End file.
